Meet Riya, an avid writer and political enthusiast. This is the first installment of her online opinion column.

Recently I came to the decision that whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would respond with “either a screenwriter, the white house communications director, or a therapist”. I said this because those were three things that appealed to me and also because they sounded cool. They just flowed well. They seemed like big, substantial, official words to veil the unbelievably obscure future of a humanities-inclined fifteen year old girl living in the Silicon Valley. I soon narrowed my list to only include therapy and I felt pleased. I felt purposeful.

Dealing with emotions is probably one of my greatest challenges. And it seems I am not alone. While we are prepped for SAT’s and AP’s and college apps and all that fun stuff, the hardest obstacles we have to overcome often have absolutely nothing to do with them. So after lots of thought and television, here I have it: the answer to the life, the universe, and everything. Here I have the all-encompassing guide on how to deal with your problems.

Step one. Recognize that there is a problem. It seems silly and almost redundant, but it is absolutely necessary. Whether you are having a fight with your best friend, or if stress is paralyzing you, or if you are burying yourself in your work because you are unhappy with your social life, you have a problem. This is not the way you want to live and you need to recognize that. Once you have realized that there is something wrong and you are now frustrated and disgruntled, you can proceed to step two.

Step two. Delve into what is wrong, and dissect the mess until you are able to clearly identify the root of the problem. The only way to combat your loneliness or your anxiety is to figure out why you are lonely or anxious and look it in the eye and say, “You are here, and I will get rid of you because I know what you are, and I am better than you.”

Step three. Metaphorically stab the root of your problem. Keep stabbing at it until it dies and can never regenerate. This may involve seeing a counsellor, talking to someone you trust, going to bed earlier, setting aside more time for what you love, whatever. But once you know that you have a problem and you know precisely what it is, it is a million times easier to fix.

So that was a thing I kinda sorta just made up. It was probably completely useless and tragically unhelpful, but that’s okay! The night is young, and maybe one day I will actually be a screenwriter, the white house communications director, or even, god forbid, a therapist.