Q: How do I kiss and not tell?

Sally:

At Menlo, in complete honesty, this question is pretty difficult. As a student myself, I see how Menlo falls under more conservative ideals when it comes to romantic relationships between students. It’s not what you see in an average teen movie – people don’t frequently hook up at parties, only to never talk again. Whether or not this makes you happy or sad, it’s simply the way that Menlo works.

It’s fair to say that Menlo is a pretty relationship-y school. There seem to be more couples, on average, here than there are at other high schools. Not only this, but a lot of long term relationships that span over the course of a few months, and even frequently over a few years.

The first thing to know – it’s okay to kiss once and be done! Just because people around you might think one kiss means more than what you think it does, doesn’t mean that it needs to become anything that you don’t want it to. If you went on a date with someone, hung out with them at a party, any type of interaction – and it was a one-and-done type of deal, that’s totally fine. It’s life; it’s high school, and we are all figuring that stuff out. That being said, we all know the pros and cons of going to a small school. A con, in my opinion, is that the rumor mill often feels like it is a class 5 rapid. If you don’t want people to find out, try not to tell anyone. Of course you might want to tell a few friends, but for each person you tell, understand that that exponentially affects the net amount of people that will find out about whatever you’re telling.

Second, just act casual. I don’t want to say that you shouldn’t act like it didn’t happen, but the closest you can act to that the better. Maybe you were friends before, so just try to return to that as smoothly as possible. Any awkward interactions that you and your not-so-significant other may have will only bring attention to it. Just relax and try to act around them similar to the way you did before.

Next, don’t lie. Even if you don’t want a lot of people knowing, if people do find out and ask you about it, don’t deny that it happened. That not only makes it more uncomfortable seeing as you’re denying something that they know to be true, but it could also really hurt the other person if it gets back to him/her.

And lastly, let it blow over. Even in a small school, things move in and out of the social scene really quickly. If it feels to you like everyone knows and is talking about it, just wait it out because pretty soon, it’ll be old news.

Sincerely,

Sally

Steve:

I don’t necessarily agree with Sally here. I think that Menlo may have slightly more couples than the surrounding high schools, but we notice them more due to our confined quad spaces and our tiny student body. I also think that whilst it is all well and good hooking-up with someone at a party and telling yourself that you will never see them again, Menlo is a small school, and, by some cruel twist of fate, you will most likely be forced into some excruciatingly awkward community read activity with them the following week. So I propose that you at least make an attempt to reconnect with them.

I am certainly not suggesting that you try and date everything/everybody that you have ever slobbered on, but don’t be that one asshat that collects hook-ups like trophies. The fact that you did hook-up, even if it was a party hook-up and you were slightly battered, means something, and that connection is something that may be worth pursuing. If you initiate the conversation, and find that they are not into it, you can bury the convo gracefully by saying something along the lines of, “Last night was fun, I’ll see you around.” Even if this may seem kind of forced, its’ non-binding, acknowledges that you did hook-up, and eases the pent up awkward tension, enabling you to actually engage in face-to-face conversation the next day, instead of diving into bushes at the mere site of them. This option also accounts for the slim chance that it was more than a party hook-up, maybe you are both into each other but just needed a little bit of a nudge to get the ball rolling.There is nothing wrong with having a high school relationship, unless you make out on the quad. Why would you ever proclaim your relationship in that fashion?!! It’s gross, holy water is a rare commodity and I don’t want to waste it dousing my eyes every single break.

TL;DR (too long, don’t read): Talk to them the day after, seek closure, eliminate awkwardness, and don’t be an asshat. And don’t you dare make out on the quad, because I can bleach my eyeballs only so many times.

Sincerely,

Steve