Q: I’ve been cheated on, what do I do?

Sally:

If you read last week’s Steve and Sally, you’d know that we covered what to do if you’ve cheated on someone. However, this week we will be focusing on what to do if you’re the one who has been cheated on.

First things first, I am very sorry. No matter who you are, you don’t deserve to be cheated on. Because of this, I can say confidently that he doesn’t deserve you anymore. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to break up. Just know that if you find it in your heart to forgive, that’s awesome, but you certainly don’t have to put up with someone who treats you this way.

You found out. At first, it’s okay to be as mad as you possibly can be. This is actually a great first stage, because it helps you let out a very understandably emotional reaction. However, be safe, don’t say anything you might regret, and try to calm down. Hopefully, you found out directly from your significant other. However if he wasn’t the one to tell you, it’s time to seek him out and talk about it. If he is not open and honest about what you already know to be true (assuming you got the information from a few genuinely credible sources), walk away – he’s a waste of time. But, if he is honest and apologetic, then the choice is in your hands.

Fresh off the conversation with him, it’s probably best that you give yourself some space. Don’t rush into a decision about forgiving him or not just yet, you’ve got to give yourself some natural time to see how this bomb settles. Beyond that, you have a few feasible options:

• Forgive and stay together: This is a tricky option. It requires you to be really honest with yourself. The way I see it, if you choose to stay in a relationship with your cheater, you are fully letting go of what happened. Now this might be great, but you have to be sure that you’re ready to do that. It’s not fair to either of you if you get back in the relationship but use this incident as a constant thing to hold over his head. If you can’t genuinely forgive him for what he did, that is completely okay, but you need to be honest with yourself about it.

• Forgive and not stay together: This is a very understandable and quite mature option. First, you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. Good! He doesn’t deserve you, so now he doesn’t have you. Or, you might be coming off of option #1 after seeing that you won’t ever fully be able to look past this. However the key thing about this option is the forgiveness. Although you might not fully be able to forgive him, recognizing that he messed up and apologized for it is a step in the right direction. This allows you to be mature and stay friendly towards each other, even if you are no longer dating.

• Hate them: This, quite honestly, I do not recommend. I am not a big fan of carrying around negative emotions towards people. Yes, he messed up big time, but at some point he was important to you. If it makes you feel better to burn every picture of him and curse his name, so be it, but in the long run carrying around that level of hate for someone will probably do more harm than good.

Sincerely,
Sally
 

Steve:

My significant other is a dirty garden implement! They betrayed my trust, what should I do? It’s time for another Choose Your Adventure!

A. Slash their tires, and murder their Neopetz in cold blood

B. Try to internalize these emotions, as crying is not manly. (Warning this may end up with you attacking small woodland animals with a weedwacker)

C. Cry and watch Pretty Little Liars whilst stuffing your face with lukewarm Hotpockets

D. Cover yourself in Crisco and pretend you’re a slug, just to feel something again

E. Invite them to a civilized sit down dinner to assess your relationship status.

Whilst the initial outrage and feeling of betrayal may cloud your judgement, I strongly advise taking a ten count before responding to your significant other. Collect your thoughts, take the moral high ground, and formulate a well thought-out response. It is extremely easy to start hurling various potted plants at their head whilst yelling obscenities, and whilst this may make you feel marginally better, it is ultimately not the most prudent course of action.

Additionally, do not try and internalize these feelings of betrayal and hurt, talk to someone you trust. Its’ always valuable to receive a second opinion. Your friend may be able to provide some nugget of wisdom that could prove extremely valuable to you, such as, “Don’t burn down their pool house as arson is a federal crime.”
However, complete inaction is just as bad. Letting your significant other off the hook, without even confronting them, means that they are more than likely to do it again. Even if they say they love you, if they continue to cheat on you, it’s obvious that they want out of the relationship.

The best course of action is to sit them down, preferably in a space where there is only one exit, and have a firm but open discussion about their wrong doings. Maybe it was just a drunk hookup, maybe it was a cry for help; every situation is different. The most important thing is to initiate dialogue between you and your partner.
Good luck, and remember the wise words from Gandhi, ‘its’ easy to flip out when someone wrongs you, but hard to turn the other cheek and see it from their perspective.’

TL;DR: Murdering their Webkinz and getting them banned on Club Penguin is not the answer. Pull a Gandhi and take the moral high ground.

Sincerely,

Steve