Q: Someone only wants me for my body, but I want them for their heart. What should I do?

Sally:

Oh man. So, you’ve maybe started something with someone and you’ve quickly realized that you two are not in it for the same reasons. He might be making casual references that it’s just a hookup, when deep inside you actually want more than that, and you may have already started to develop feelings for him. This is a very common and very tough situation – brace yourself. This might not be what you want to hear.

Step 1: Have a conversation about it. Ask him openly and honestly what he wants out of this. Does he want something casual? Make sure he is honest, and then give yourself some time to reflect.

Step 2: Compare what he wants with what you want. If he 100% only wants physical relationship and you want more than that, you need to walk away. You can’t settle for just the physical when ideally you would want more than that. Similarly, you can’t just do physical things with him in hopes that you’ll change his mind and that he will start to develop feelings for you.

In order to spare yourself the hurt, you’ve gotta let this one go. The longer it takes for you to realize that it fundamentally won’t work because you two are not on the same page, the more hurt you will bring on yourself. So get ahead of the problem and cut it off before it brings you any more pain.

No boy is ever worth lowering the standards of what you want, and you’re better off with no one than with someone who doesn’t want the same thing as you.

TL; DR: Figure out what he wants and if that’s not what you want, run.

Sincerely,
Sally
 

Steve:

You’ve been hooking up with this girl off and on for about 2 months now. You kind of feel stifled in the casual relationship that you two have; you want something more.

Communication is key in this instance. Take her somewhere nice, I’m thinking Phil’s Treasure Pot because cheap Hawaiian Barbecue can fix any relationship, and start talking. Start off by talking about the good times you’ve had together and that you have really enjoyed your last two months. Then casually steer the conversation into uncharted waters. Start talking about how you have, ‘done some thinking,’ and realized that you are, ‘actually really into this relationship,’ and ask her what she feels she wants from this relationship. If she says something like, ‘it’s better off the way it currently is,’ I would recommend that you stop seeing her. The relationship will be awkward, now that she realizes that you have genuine feelings for her, and it will be painful if you realize that she just doesn’t feel the same way about you.

If you are too scared to have this conversation in person, ask one of her best friends. Girls seem to know literally everything about everybody all the time, so consult one of these resident fonts of knowledge in the hopes of discovering what your friend thinks about the relationship you two currently share.

TL;DR: TALK, TALK, TALK. A casual relationship can be emotionally unsatisfying, so air your feelings out and talk it over with her.
 

Sincerely,
Steve