Q: What are the dos and don’ts of PDA?

Sally:

PDA is a touchy subject – Haha. For those of you that don’t know what PDA stands for, it means the public display of affection. This is anything from hand holding to hugging and kissing. I’d rather stop there seeing as anything past that should not at all be in public.

When you’re the one in relationship, it might be really fun to be able to show your boyfriend affection during the school day or in public. Or, maybe he’s showing you too much affection that makes you uncomfortable. No matter what way you slice it, excessive PDA always makes someone uncomfortable –whether that be someone in the relationship, or an innocent passerby. To address this, here are some do’s and don’ts.

DO:

• Be friendly. It’s good to hang out and see your boyfriend during the school day!
• Be attentive to your setting. Kissing during assembly? Probably not a good idea. A quick kiss goodbye in the senior lot? Not so bad.
• Make sure that you’re on the same page with your boyfriend regarding PDA. If what you do makes him uncomfortable, stop.

DON’T:

• Koala. I don’t understand why this has become a trend. Girls, STOP. It is not cute or appropriate to straddle your boyfriend in public. Yes, people are taking pictures of you because of how disgusting it is. You’re making everyone extremely uncomfortable. It’s an absolute no.
• Kiss. Maybe I’m just conservative on this one, but I don’t see any reason that people need to lock lips at school. You don’t need to kiss him goodbye “Omg I’ll miss you so much during A block baby!” – stop.
• In group settings, don’t touch each other. It’s weird to be in a big group setting and have two people be somehow cuddling or touching each other. Again, it makes everyone else uncomfortable.

Just like a dress code, if you’re questioning if it’s appropriate PDA or not, it’s probably not. Keep it on the safe side, please.

TL;DR: Get your hands and lips off of him, let’s keep the quad PG. #stopkoalaing2k15

Sincerely,
Sally

Steve:

I see nothing wrong with PDA, get me some buttered movie popcorn, a Big Gulp and a reclining chair, let me enjoy these awkwardly ritualistic proclamations of undying High School affection…SAID NO ONE EVER!! Let’s start thinking with our heads Gentlemen and be the tiniest bit more self-aware. When you run and fling yourself at your girlfriend and clamber all over her you are making everyone really uncomfortable, the reasons are two-fold.

We understand that you are proud of your relationship. Congratulations on being semi-dateable. We aren’t Neanderthals anymore however, and so your primal urge to stake your claim by engaging in long hugs and Koala sessions is not only vomit inducing but evolutionarily redundant. The quad is a communal space not a personal bedroom.

Just stop. Whenever I see two couples looking soulfully into each others eyes and caressing each other sensually I want to rip my nails out with rusty pliers and scrub my soul with lye. Who are you trying to please? There is a time, literally anytime other than school, and a place for that When you run and hug him in the rain in front of everybody you may think that you look like that couple from the Notebook; you really, really don’t. You look like those Gremlins from that one Christmas movie if they doused themselves in water, and got put through a high intensity spin cycle (yeah it’s that bad).

I understand that you may think that you love her, and that you feel the need to be with her all of the time. Emotions and feelings of affection are good, just make sure that they don’t result in you trying to play Twister on an imaginary board that only you and your beau can see. Just please, and I’m begging you here, please spare us from enduring one more awkward embrace, caress or tongue fencing match.

TL;DR Go do you somewhere else, just not right in public. It makes me want to gouge my eyes out with rusty sporks and scrape my retinas with steel wool.

Sincerely,
Steve