Q: My SO wants to take a break, how should I deal with this?

Sally:

As with any high school relationship, it’s understandable that there might be a few bumps in the road. High school is a busy and stressful time for most people, and not always at the same time. Anything can come up – family stuff, a change in feelings, maybe you guys had a big fight, feeling overwhelmed by school – the list goes on and on.

For whatever reason it may be, your SO wants to take a break. The first thing you should make sure to do is have an honest conversation about why he/she wants a break. If he/she is using the word “break” instead of “breakup,” you need to know that. A break usually implies that you’ll get back together after a bit of time, but if he/she means a complete end of the relationship you need to know that so you’re not waiting around.

The only way you’re going to feel good about the break is if you get a justified reason for the break. For example, let’s say it’s the week before finals. Your SO needs to take a break during finals, focus on schoolwork, and check back in with you afterwards. I’d say that’s reasonable. You shouldn’t have to go on a break in order to focus on schoolwork, but I see where he/she could be coming from.

If it’s a break because of a potential change in feelings, be upfront about the fact that you deserve somewhat of a timeline and an explanation. It’s not fair for your SO to leave you hanging for an undetermined amount of time. A break for a week or so and then you deserve an update on how the feelings have changed.

Lastly, during that time, give your SO the space he/she needs. If you text him/her all the time during your said break, it’s not really a break. Giving them complete space will allow him/her to fully process whatever he/she needs to.

TL;DR: Make sure that this isn’t a break forever, and if it is, make sure your SO is honest about it

Sincerely,
Sally

Steve:

I am a strong proponent of breaks. We are not Terminator-esque robots. No amount of Red Bull + Herbs-that-the-lady-in-Little-Saigon-sold-you-and-said-are-completely-street-legal concoctions injected intravenously will let you churn out Bible papers, nail Stats quizzes and crush ASR projects with time to spare to hang with your SO. When it comes to academic stress levels, something has to give somewhere, and I argue that a break from your relationship will provide you with the time that you need to get your feet back under you academically.

However, the terms and conditions of the break should be hashed out thoroughly before you and SO decide to part ways for a few weeks. Is it an open or closed break? How long will the break last? Nothing is more awkward than thinking you have the go ahead to go casually hook up with someone and fritter away your long term relationship due to some crossed wires. Additionally, you have to assess your SO’s motive for requesting a break. Are they trying to ease their way out of your relationship; letting you down softly? Or are they genuinely too stressed to continue with the relationship? If your SO is reticent about getting back together with you and begins to use phrases such as, “one more week won’t hurt,” be wary my friend. I don’t advocate donning a deerstalker and going all Sherlock Holmes but I would recommend conducting some digging (The Hound of Ask-Her-villes, STEVE = BASED PUN GOD). Ask her friends what your SO thinks about the break and your relationship in general, and if her friends are giving you sketchy, vague answers then it is better to try and talk to your SO about her feelings than to be blindsided in the upcoming weeks. Good luck my friend.

TL;DR: We are not robots, breaks are good. Maybe you’ll finally have time to listen to OG Champagne Eye’s new mixtape to completion and sit in sheer reverence of his lyrical ingenuity for a couple of hours.

Sincerely,
Steve