Q: What do I do if I’m going to semi with someone that I’m not really friends with?

Sally:

Around this time of year, students seem to feel a lot of stress surrounding the Semi formal dance. Part one of the stress is figuring out if you want to go with someone, and if so who. Part two of the stress is once you’ve figured out who you are going with (if you’re going with a date) how that’ll be. For a lot of people, you might be going with someone that you’re good friends with or romantically interested in. If so, that’s awesome and have fun. But for others, you might be going with someone that you’re not necessarily that good of friends with and you might be worried about your interactions with him/her at the dance. In order to still have a fun night with your friends and your date, here are some tips on how to maneuver through a dance with someone that you’re not super comfortable around.

First of all, be friendly. This starts once they ask you – don’t go around telling people how “awkward” it is because you guys don’t know each other. We go to a small school, so this sort of thing gets around quickly and could potentially hurt his/her feelings.

Secondly, talk to them during the few weeks before the dance in order to break the ice. You can definitely find some things that you have in common with them if you try to, and those conversation points could help you guys get through any awkward silences you may have.

At the photos as well as the actual dance, surround yourself with mutual friends. You don’t need to always be one on one with your date, so by being around people that you both enjoy this can take the attention away from each other.

Whatever you do, don’t completely ignore them. It’ll leave a bad taste in their mouth, and it doesn’t cost you anything to be nice and friendly.

TL;DR: Don’t worry, find some common ground and some common friends and be nice.

Sincerely,
Sally

Steve:

Okay, so here’s the sitch (tbt to when I wanted to be Kim Possible) your semi-date showed a single metric unit of kindness to you in Freshman Art class and so you have wisely elected to ask her because you know that she won’t make fun of the tie you will inevitably tie incorrectly. The ask was a moderate success, the three-day-old saggy Draegers flowers and God awful pun really sealed the deal. But now you’re stumped. You haven’t talked to your date in years and are struggling to come up with conversation topics to keep the Pre-Semi bant from going stale. Have no fear, the God of dating advice is here!!

Here are the top five topics of conversation that are scientifically proven to spice up the conversation:

• Talk about your ant farm. There is nothing ladies love more than to hear you recall that knee-slapper of a story where you and that one weird Uncle who wore sweater vests and a prison bracelet doused the farm in kerosene and fried the poor suckers alive whilst singing the a trap remix of the Hungarian national anthem.

• Talk about how you are a level 90 Ice mage in World of Warcraft. Ahh yes, the good old party starter. The story of your travails throughout the lands of Panderia and Xoloft as the kingdoms greatest justice seeker will have your date in fits of laughter. To add to the conversation drop in some awkward lines such as, “we should play together sometime,” or, “I’m getting some really spiritual vibes right now, you’d make a great Cleric.”

• Comment on her fashion choices. Nothing surpasses this failsafe strategy of analyzing your dates choice of dress, shoes, and fake tan. Sprinkle in a liberal dose of, “hmmm, I’m getting some distinctly autumny vibes which really set off your orangey complexion,” or some classy, “damn that sea foam green got me, in the words of Captain Drake, “going port to starboard.”

• Don’t talk. Play the silent, stoic card to perfection and you will have to pay your date to stop talking. This method is not to be employed by the faint of heart as your night will indubitably start with some excruciatingly painful, I’m talking rip off your earlobes and scratch your eyeballs out with Boutonniere pins excruciating, silences. But after about three of your I-have-nothing-to-talk-about-and-feel-like-I’m-drowning-under-the-weight-of-societal-pressure silences your date will assume that you aren’t talking because you are one of those deep-philosophical types and will regale you with enough senseless chatter for you to consider the night a success.

• Describe every step of your hydration process. This is a marathon not a sprint Gentleman and we must ensure that your date is in tune with the proper watering techniques you will be employing throughout the night. Remember to repeat the phrase hydrate or diedrate often and loudly. Quiz her extensively to see if she properly parsed the intricacies out of your informative spiel. If she gets below an 86.74% go home without telling her, listen to Avril Lavigne, play tic-tac-toe against yourself and weep the tears of a properly hydrated man.

I hoped these helped, I’m have 100% positive that if you use all these techniques your night will go down in history as the greatest social performance of all time. Three last pieces of advice, dance with her for a majority of the night (don’t be that guy), make sure that your dancing resembles the death throes of the last Wooly Mammoth (or a mime trapped in a small glass box whose currently being stung by a few hundred Killer Japanese Hornets), and try to enjoy every moment of the night. You are making memories which you will look fondly upon when you’re 35 and eating Ramen out of Frisbee with no one but your Schnauzer named Schnappes to keep you company.

Sincerely,
Steve