Is it bad to voice what you want early on in a relationship?

Sally:

In today’s undeniable hook up culture, it is easy to feel like you aren’t getting what you want out of a relationship, but if your interactions have suggested that it is primarily casual, it is normal to have some apprehension about saying you’re looking for a serious relationship or vice versa.

Making what you want clear early on is always a plus, but you should prepare yourself for the possible outcomes. First, when everyone is on the same page, you can easily determine if the relationship has a future. The awkward few weeks of sort of talking and maybe hooking up without knowing if they want something serious is gone and everyone knows where you stand.

If you do decide to go down the path of complete transparency, be prepared for the possibility that they walk away. If you are both clear about what you want early on, for better or worse, the relationship could end. While you shouldn’t continue to pursue something with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you anyway, don’t be shocked if saying what you want turns them away and be ok with that possibility.

Since it is early on in the relationship, you may not know how they will react, and that’s what makes it scary. Regardless, you deserve better than settling for someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. Keep that in mind no matter what you choose to do.

TL;DR: Not at all! If you know what you want and feel strongly about it, make that clear, but be ok with the possibility that they don’t want the same thing as you.

Steve:

In the attempt to capture the basics of a relationship, who better to shed light on this topic than philosopher and the Jacob Sartorius of the selfie world, Ellen Degeneres.
“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada,” Degeneres said.

For as much as I like to rag on Ellen for her juvenile sense of humor, she actually made a somewhat serious good point here. Life is truly about balance, and voicing what you want early on in a relationship is no exception to that.

Hypothetical time. Imagine a first date where you sit down, and five minutes into the conversation, your date says that she wants two twin daughters named Sunshine and Bubbles, a neutered Bedlington Terrier named Princesca, a 25 acre estate in the backwoods of Norris, South Dakota, and you’ll both be on the campaign team when Kanye runs for President in 2020.

Major turn off, right? I mean, she basically has your life planned out with no compromise before the water has even been brought to the table. That’s obviously overboard and quite the exaggeration, but don’t get too personal too quick. It can be overwhelming, creepy, and just flat-out unnecessary. Don’t scare the relationship away before it’s even started.

That being said, both people in a relationship need to be on the same page. If one person is looking for a short term fling and the other thinks that they’re in the market for a long-term relationship, there’s no reason for either party to be there.

Citing the fact that I hold the highest degree in the study of love, communication is quite possibly the biggest key in a relationship, especially at the start of one. How are you to understand the other person without talking about who they are and what they want? Finding that balance in communication is the ultimate key in a long-sustaining relationship, period.

TL; DR – It’s not bad to say what you want, but please be careful with what you share. Don’t make the date run away in fear before you even get to know each other’s names. Plus, it will avoid any kid being named Bubbles in the future (trust me, that’s a good thing).

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