I don’t have a reason, but I’m just not into my boyfriend anymore. I want things to go back to the way they were before, but I don’t know what to do. If that can’t happen, I feel like I have to end it because I feel like I don’t even like him anymore. What should I do?   

Sally:

The most important thing to think about at this point is why you originally liked them. Think about why you were initially attracted to this person and whether or not you still feel the same way. What has changed in your relationship since you were sure about your feelings? Have we just grown apart, or is there a way to go back to how it was? Have you both gotten really busy? Have you been spending less time together? Do you feel like they aren’t making time for you? All of these questions are important to consider before deciding what you want to do.

If you feel strongly about staying together and think that there is hope then make an effort to spend more time together doing things you both enjoy. Just hanging out one on one without doing anything can sometimes be awkward when you aren’t in the best place because there is a level of distance between the two of you, but going to do something fun can be a great way to avoid that. Make an effort to have an honest conversation about how you’ve been feeling and listen and consider what they have to say.

If you don’t think there is any hope even after you have had an honest conversation, end it and move on. At the point that you don’t even like them, it isn’t fair for you to lead them on, especially while they think everything is ok. Don’t rush into any decisions, but don’t drag it out. If you really know there is no hope, end it as soon as you have come to a solid conclusion.

TL;DR: Think about your level of interest and determine whether or not the relationship is still worthwhile for you. Have an honest conversation with them but remember, high school relationships are supposed to be fun and if you really just aren’t happy with this person anymore, it’s not worth any more of your time.

Steve:

Sometimes the spark is just gone. Whether it faded out slowly or quickly fizzled after she poured a gallon of water on it, it’s just completely died out. If you wake up one morning and you suddenly realize you don’t even like the person you’ve been dating for weeks or months, it’s worth taking some time to think about why. Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and are just bored? Have you discovered some personality trait that makes you incompatible? What is it about your relationship that’s changed recently?

It’s imperative to get to the root of the issue and decide whether it’s worth it to break up. What you shouldn’t do is start treating her badly because you want her to be the one to call it off because you feel badly. Instead be honest with her and tell her that the spark just isn’t there anymore. Don’t be a jerk about it and go on and on about how she’s been too clingy and how you’ve suddenly realized you hate blondes or something like that, but do let her know that your heart just isn’t in it anymore.

Weigh your options like this: would you rather be in bed watching Netflix or be going to dinner and a movie with your girlfriend? If you’d rather be eating chips by the handful and sitting in your boxers playing Call of Duty all alone in your room, break it off with her and go do that. She might be more upset than you are about this break-up, so be kind, but don’t string her along because she doesn’t deserve it and neither do you.

TL;DR: Suck it up and tell her if your heart’s not in it anymore, but make sure your heart really isn’t in it first.

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