My partner is pressuring me into sex but I want to wait. What should I do?
Sally:
Communication is key. Sit down with your partner and talk out your feelings. Tell him/her exactly how you feel and get it all out in the open. It is very important that you feel heard.
The choice of whether or not to have sex is your choicer and only your choice. Any sort of pressure from an external force is not okay and can lead to sexual assault or even rape. When thinking about this decision, think solely about how you feel, not about who you think your partner, peers, or anyone else will feel.
If your partner is not willing to wait until you feel comfortable, than they are not worth your time and are probably not the right person for you. Find a person that respects your decisions and is willing to wait if that is what you want to do.
If, even after having a conversation about your feelings and concerns, you continue to be pressured, this relationship is probably not the best for your overall wellbeing. If this means that the relationship has to end, make sure you know that this will be a healthy choice for you and don’t worry about what will be the right choice for your partner. It’s important to put yourself and your feelings first.
There can be an argument made that sex before marriage is morally wrong. This generally aligns with religious beliefs and is a completely valid argument. If this is where your values lay then you should follow those beliefs and refrain from even discussing the idea.
TL;DR: Make sure you are happy and comfortable before those around you are and be communicative with your partner to ensure clarity in how you feel.
Steve:
This is a tough question, as well as an important one. Issues involving sex and pressure to do so can become complicated and emotional very quickly.
It seems as though you have your mind pretty made up to wait, and if that’s what makes you happy then that’s awesome. Throughout this process, while it’s very important to stay true to yourself and your beliefs, also make sure to listen to your partner and what he has to say. The worst thing that could happen would be if you guys weren’t willing to listen to each others perspectives and you couldn’t have an open dialogue.
I think the first, and most important step is to let your partner know what’s going on. If you don’t tell them and simply avoid the issue, the pressure may gradually rise, and you could find it much harder to tell your partner about your problem in the future. I feel as though if your partner truly cares about you, he or she will understand, if you want to wait to have sex.
The best relationships are ones where you challenge each other to grow as people, and show understanding at all times. If, for any reason, they aren’t supportive of your feelings, or say that you’re “wrong” for wanting to wait then unfortunately it might be time to reassess if this is really the right person for you.
TL;DR: There is no “right” or “wrong” way to tackle this issue, all relationships have different dynamics. The best thing that you can do is to talk openly with your partner and try to get him/her to understand your feelings. If your partner truly cares about you he will understand and appreciate you letting him know how you feel.
