Note: This story is the fifth in a six-part package about eating disorders and the Menlo community. It also appeared in the October 2020 47.1 print edition of The Coat of Arms.

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When math teacher Dr. Rebecca Akers’s family member was diagnosed with anorexia, it had a large impact on their entire family. “It was like a black hole and [everyone] got sucked into it. It’s a tragedy for the individual, but it’s a tragedy for the family too,” Akers said.

The diagnosis happened between the family member’s junior and senior year of high school. “For some people, feeling very anxious can start a cycle of being anxious and not feeling like eating and then restricting [their] eating,” Akers said.

For Akers’ family member, the college process caused a lot of stress that attributed to the family member’s eating disorder. “Your whole life is there in a set of SAT scores. There [is] this huge decision that someone else is making for you. So much is out of your control,” she said.

Akers felt hopeless and helpless during the time. She compared the process of helping her family member through recovery to trying to pry someone off of a rock in the middle of a river. “Moving off [of] the rock is terrifying because they’ve found a place that feels like a place of safety,” she said.

According to Akers, it’s important to express concern to a friend who has unhealthy eating habits and also to a counselor at school. “You could save a life by saying to a friend ‘I’m concerned.’ It’s important not to feel like you need to take that on yourself,” she said.

There is also harmful language when it comes to discussing eating disorders as a concerned friend or family member, according to Akers. She explained that saying “just eat” to a person with an eating disorder is parallel to telling a depressed person to “stop being sad.” “Don’t discount how difficult it is to get yourself out of that place. Don’t be judgmental,” she said.

Akers also warned against starting any kind of eating restrictions, even if it seems harmless. “It can be really dangerous to play around with restricting calorie intake because you don’t know how your brain will react. It’s like playing with fire,” she said. 

Akers’s family member was able to make a full recovery and is now in residency, a high level of the medical training process, for psychiatry. She said that what made a difference in their recovery was the excellent programs in the Bay Area to provide help for people with eating disorders and the support of their friends. Even when her family member had to be hospitalized and missed graduation, a friend brought them flowers and a card, which Akers said made all the difference.