Three years ago, my 14-year-old self sat excitedly at a lunch table with all my friends, watching as my semi-formal date slowly approached me holding a large white poster and a coffee. As a freshman, receiving my first dance invitation was thrilling and easy. The invitation felt natural; we were good friends, and our pairing made sense. No pressure, no performance, just two friends deciding that we’d “like it a latte” if we attended the dance together.
My experience was a positive one, but that moment stands in sharp contrast to what I see today. You can likely envision the scene I’m referring to: an entire grade forms a circle around their class quad, creating an arena for awkward theater. One by one, students inch forward, clutching posters bearing generic puns, approaching dates they’ve likely barely spoken to all year. A quick hug, a flutter of camera phones, and they retreat to gender-segregated huddles to await the next pair’s ask. These ritualistic performances do nothing but strip away any genuine connection between students.
Gone are the impromptu, creative, personalized asks that I so enjoyed watching as an underclassman; I vividly remember watching a senior girl perform a choreographed dance with all her friends for her date at the end of a lunch period. Instead, we’ve created a culture where students seek out anyone — even complete strangers — just to secure a date. The rest blush and mumble “nobody” when asked who they’ll be attending with, as if attending semi with friends somehow diminishes the experience. This pressure to secure a date transforms what should be a celebratory school tradition into an anxiety-inducing social competition, creating a false hierarchy among students by suggesting that your worth is determined by whether someone asked you to be their date.
Don’t misunderstand — I recognize the excitement these “asking days” generate. Students eagerly anticipate their poster messages and plan their outfits with care, and there is a general buzz that I have no intention of trying to eliminate. But one thing is clear: we need to step back and examine how our approach to semi-formal has lost its way.
First, we must do away with all the pressure there is to secure an opposite-gender date. I simply don’t understand why there is this unspoken rule that friends can’t simply make a poster for friends, or that either every guy or every girl must make signs. Neither gender should feel obligated or pressured to do something out of their comfort zone, even if their grade has decided to do otherwise. The rigid gender coding that has appeared in the past few years also makes same-sex asks — whether between friends or partners — feel all the more taboo in the eyes of students.
Second, if having a date feels important to you — and trust me, I understand the desire — remember that you need to treat your date as just that: a date! A date shouldn’t just be a prop for photos or a corsage-bearer. If that’s what it is to you, what’s the point of going with that person? Rather, it’s a person you’re committing to spending time with, and it’s going to require some maturity and genuine interaction on your end. Recognize that in going with someone to a dance, you are committing to putting a little bit of time and effort toward that person.
Lastly, and most importantly, KILL THE CIRCLE! Regardless of whether you are asking a friend, partner, ‘talking stage’ or stranger to the dance, don’t fall into the trap of circling up and churning out rapid one-by-one asks at lunch time. I’d like to see some creativity — ask someone at the end of their sports game or at their house! There’s nothing wrong with a private ask or just having your group of close friends nearby for moral support. Or, if you’re the more extroverted type, put on a dance for them on the quad! Incorporate food, music or their interests and passions! Above all, make it memorable. Semi is an occasion for celebration, fun and making connections with your classmates. The right type of ask — whether it’s clever, personal or simply heartfelt — adds to that magic, whereas a rushed performance in front of a crowd only diminishes it.
It seems to me that Menlo has traded quality for quantity when it comes to semi asks. My hope is that next school year, after I am gone from this campus, we will have redirected our priorities away from hollow invitations, and instead will aim to make semi fun, meaningful and inclusive for all students — regardless of who they choose to celebrate with.
