By Stephanie Portman

On April 7, 2013 our daughter, Orly H Portman was born. It wasn’t an easy path to get there, but it all seemed worth it when we saw her little face for the first time. Finally, our daughter was here and we were so excited and proud to be her two mommies, otherwise known as her parents.

We felt and acted like all new parents do. We took photos, called our family and friends, posted her first images to Facebook, and stared at her lovingly for hours. But even though we walk and talk like a family, we are not fully recognized by the state of California nor our federal government as a legal family. Unlike most families, we have to take several steps to be legally recognized.

The first step towards legality was an awkward one – filling out the birth certificate form. As the biological mother, I filled out the “mother section.” The other section was for father and we didn’t have a father; we had another mother. It took a few rounds of to find out that Bridget should put her name under “father.” On the bright side, it was official; she was the second parent listed on the birth certificate. But to have a woman listed as a “father” felt a bit odd and it was another reminder to us that when it comes to legal documentation in this state and country, our family is considered “other” and often has to endure weird workarounds.

For same–sex couples, having your name on the birth certificate does not make you a legal parent in California. In a few months, we will have to go through a lengthy and expensive process so that Bridget can officially second parent adopt Orly. This is after the hundreds of diaper changes, rockings to sleep, and bottle feeds Bridget will have done. Acting as a parent from day one, does not count in the eyes of the state. She literally has to adopt Orly in order to have legal rights as a parent.

Same sex couples have been able to have full joint adoption rights in California since 2003. So, when it comes to making medical decisions or picking her up at school or travelling on a plane, Bridget will eventually have all of the rights of parenthood that I have as the birth mother. Second parent adoption for LGBT families is legal on a state–by–state basis, much like legal marriage for LGBT couples is today.

Second parent adoption is our first hurdle, but there are more obstacles before we can become what is considered an average “nuclear family.” In a few months, the Supreme Court will announce its decision about the legality of Proposition 8. During the recent arguments in front of the Supreme Court, Justice Kennedy said, “There is an immediate legal injury and that’s the voice of these children…There’s some 40,000 children in California, according to the Red Brief, that live with same–sex parents, and they want their parents to have full recognition and full status. The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?” We are now one of those families awaiting the Court’s decision.

Bridget, Orly and I are not looking for special treatment. We simply want the same legal rights that any family deserves. Our hope is that the Supreme Court will recognize that marriage will only strengthen our family. Orly deserves to grow up in a society where love and commitment between two adults is respected and honored.

We can act like a family without a court’s blessing. Love is ultimately what makes a family. But having the law on our side makes it a lot easier.