How do I initiate a conversation with someone I have a crush on if we’ve never talked before?

SALLY

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you don’t want to just walk up to someone and start talking to them or go sit with them in class because somehow they’ll “know” you like them and it’s awkward if they don’t show interest immediately. This simply isn’t true. The first think you need to do if you want to get to know someone new is to get out of your head. Don’t worry! Even if you do make a fool of yourself, maybe they’ll like you for that!

Once you’re past your fears, try to recognize good opportunities to strike up a conversation. If you’re in a class with the person, sit next to them! Ask them for a pen or help on one of the questions. Or you can walk together after class. Maybe even ask when their next sports game is. Just keep it casual and go with the flow. Getting to know them as friends first is key so they’re comfortable around you and can start to think about you are more than a friend.

Always, always act like yourself, though. Confidence is attractive, so you’ve already scored some points by making the first move. After that, just remember that trying to be someone else is just going to be uncomfortable and awkward, so please, please, please don’t try to emulate someone you think they might like more. Also, make sure to ask about them. Try not to center the conversation around yourself so that they know you are interested in their personality as well (not just their looks!).

Finally, never, ever, ever play games. It’s just not nice, and you’ll cause a lot of drama and be hurt in the process as well. Know your intentions, stay true to those intentions, and just go for it. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Sally

STEVE

Initiating conversations with people can be hard, especially if you don’t know them well. However, the school day at Menlo provides some good opportunities to talk to people that aren’t your closest friends. One way to initiate conversation is to sit with who you want to talk to or a different group of friends at lunch. People tend to sit in large groups for lunch, whether it be at the cafeteria or on the quad for one of the barbeques. Its not like people are going to exclude you from sitting with them like a stereotypical cliquey high school, so sit down with whomever you want to talk to.  Chances are if you want to talk to them, you have something in common with them, so assimilate yourself into the conversation or bring up a common interest. Lunch is a great time to get to know people you don’t usually talk to and start to form bonds. Another way to get to know someone is to simply just walk with them places. As Menlo students, we have to do a fair amount of walking from class to class, or to lunch, or to assembly, etc. If you have a class with that person, walk with them to that class. An easy way to initiate a conversation is to say “Hey, wanna go to ____?”. These walks are easy gateways to conversations as the person is basically forced to talk to you. If these ways aren’t working, you can find a mutual friend when that friend and your person of interest are talking and go talk to your mutual friend. Or just hop in one of the circles of people across to quad and join the conversation. If you are really feeling desperate and don’t want to talk to your person of interest in the flesh, you could go with the oops-my-friend-took-my-phone-and-chatted-you-but-not-really method or the foolproof mass Snapchat path. But don’t do that. Be confident and smile; talking to people isn’t that hard, you just have to put yourself out there. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Steve

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