Dear Menlo


Menlo: inclusive, respectful, appreciative of diversity, and more… Is that always true? 

Yesenia Herrera | Staff Reporter
Staff photo by Yesenia Herrera

As of late, my overly pessimistic not-heart is feeling especially hateful. Why? Onward my friends! Off on a tour of the almighty Menlo we go!
Down Valparaiso Ave. lies a promise of excellence: a humble mansion reeking of wisely wasted money and dedication to an unknowingly violated student body. On March 19th, it was publically announced (at a beloved and always very informative assembly… Mario Cart anyone?) that classic walls will undergo/are undergoing demolishment.

Construction, I hate to break this to you, but no one wants you. Some because hammers suck and others because they just want to see the school slap a business hours sign over the mission statement. What is a library? You know, that place that’s already microscopic and that shouldn’t be compromised for more legroom. Not to worry! Give it a year or two. Maybe we’ll snatch a nice closet for whatever’s left. After all, we all know librarians don’t need limbs.

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I’ll take this opportunity to detour. As you can see, at the base our library’s stairs lie two restrooms, conveniently and exclusively fit for a cisgender student body. The posters plastered on the walls complement each other; both scream “What are kids who just want to relieve themselves after a morning coffee, comfortably and safely (treated like humans). We don’t know!” Let’s not invest in necessities or anything that might pull those weird kids out of their cave (They just want attention. These things don’t matter to them. I live and walk in their skin so I would know.) “Let’s just let the dust pile up on our rights, man.” (See, you do just want to be some radical-hippy thing. It really is all about image to you, huh?) Said, an oppressed cave-kid who has obviously done nothing to improve his situation at Menlo (Protests, surveys, petitions, proposals, meetings, and repeated compliance with administrative requests mean nothing, right?)

That’s the way we promote diversity in this fine establishment; let’s make it crystal clear that you, the cisgender white man, want color (black, brown or rainbow) all over your business pamphlets but…that’s about it. Maybe I’m exaggerating. A dot here and there (on the pamphlet) will do just fine.

Yes, I did just talk about race (Really? Again?) and yes I did just mention gender-neutral restrooms (Just stop, ok? You’re wasting paper!). I’m sorry for being committed to a purpose larger than myself. After all, for those who know anything about me, I spend a generous portion of my time in that creative arts center that stretches a couple meters above my head.

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I may have led you too far astray from our tour. I apologize. We want nice kids here, good kids. You know, those committed to ethical behavior. We’ll give them a great academic education, tease them with a smidge of democracy, and tell them we care about their voice. Hell, we’ll even give them a good five minutes of our precious time at a roundtable. If they’re lucky, maybe their proposals will make their way into our folders for months of consideration. Just hand those couple thousand over to us and we’ll take care of the rest.