As the campfire crackles and the sweet scent of roasting marshmallows fills the air, a cohort of smiley — and some teary-eyed — seniors mingle to the buzz of sentimental chatter and wholesome vibes.

Let’s zoom in: this was the class of 2026 after the senior web activity on their retreat in late August. Something in the air had seemingly shifted: shoutouts were being given out like free candy, broken friendships were mended without the awkwardness you’d expect and growing connections began to bud between people you never would’ve expected. That feeling of intra-grade unity between the class of 2026 had never felt so strong.

But why now? Why does every senior class get close just as they are about to depart from Menlo? There’s no straightforward answer. 

The most logical explanation is that it’s a result of sentimentalism: by senior year, students realize that they’re basically out of time before the next chapter of their lives, so it’s natural to branch out. We can’t take anything for granted anymore and aren’t afraid of people judging us because very soon, we won’t see them every day. 

It could also be that it takes time to get to know people, especially with an intense workload and limited “organized” bonding opportunities. It could also be tradition. But those are simply excuses. It’s a problem with our student culture.

We as a school throw around the word ‘cliquey’ a lot. We use it to rationalize our exclusive behavior. We use it to suggest that inherently, we aren’t meant to branch out beyond the confines of our familiar social circles. As humans, we seek familiarity. It’s comfortable and less scary, but excusing our exclusivity and closed-mindedness inhibits us from truly connecting with people in ways
that better a class dynamic and the individuals involved. 

As freshmen, we craved a home base — a group to sit with at lunch and spend Friday nights with or at the very least complain about physics with. But whether we realize it or not, this need to find a friend group is often restrictive. It prevents people from keeping an open mind when it comes to making friends, and instead of naturally branching out to meet different people, it’s common to try to find just one group of people with whom you identify. Because students unconsciously restrict themselves to a limited social circle that feels comfortable and safe, they may not find any reason to cast a wider net. 

Menlo differs from many high schools in the area because of our small class sizes. With about 150 students in each grade, the expectation is that you’ll get to know everyone in the hallways without it feeling constraining or homogenous. But even as seniors, the admission of still not knowing a couple of your classmates’ names is evidence that our existing culture around socialization has limits in bonding us together. 

What’s more is that half of the upper school comes from Menlo Middle School, arriving with established friendships which makes it difficult for new ninth graders to fully integrate. While Menlo provides bonding opportunities like freshman orientation and the retreat, these events only begin to bridge the gap. The divide gradually fades throughout the year as students begin to form new friendships, but it takes time. 

Almost every year, the seniors look back on their time at Menlo with the same regret: wishing they had spent more time getting to know their classmates. 

So here’s what we wish we had done sooner to become more bonded as a grade earlier. Start freshman year by learning all of your classmates’ names — being able to name everyone in your class is one of the privileges of having a relatively small grade. Make it a point to talk to everyone you can and don’t be afraid to talk to new people, even if they aren’t in your close friend group. Step outside your comfort zone and start conversations with people you might not normally approach. Be curious and excited to learn about your classmates. Menlo students have so many diverse interests, lives and experiences — that’s what makes our community special. While close friend groups are natural and valuable, don’t let them become walls that prevent you from forming other meaningful relationships. To that end, be inclusive! Some of our most fun memories have been the campfire at senior retreat, Valpo Bowl, the semi-formal dance and Homecoming, to name a few — all times when our entire grade has been together. 

Don’t wait until senior year to realize what an incredible group of people you’ve been surrounded by all along.